PRIYANKA'S MEOW

ARVIND K.PANDEY

A CAT WAS BRUTALLY RAGGED BY OTHER CATS .

(TOMMY :CATS ARE PROGRESSING ,FINALLY )

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Q.How did village cats addressed Priyanka ?
A.Hare Priyankava !!!

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Two donkeys saw a zebra for the first time.

First donkey: Hey, they look like us but they are dressed differently.

Second donkey: They must have run away from the prison.

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Priyanka: I can’t pay rent this month.

Landlord: But that’s what you said last month.

Priyanka: See, I kept my word.

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PRIYANKA'S MATHEMATICS :

2+2=5 or even more .
For Tommy :2+2=4 or even less .
So can they ever share the road ?

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RIVER GANGES :INCREASIING BLACKNESS

Rs 900 crore spent on cleaning River Ganges .
Result :No Change in its colour. It seems to have retained the blackness of inner minds of
bureucrats , netas !!

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News Item : TOM WEDS KAT .

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Priyanka is fascinated by the Graffiti on Truck's number plates .
Some of his favourites are :

1.MAA KA ASHIRWAAD .
2.SOCHO SAATH MEIN KYA JAYEGA .
3.NIYAT SAAF,MANZIL AASAN .
4.O.K.--TATA..PHIR MILENGE .
5.BURI NAZER WAALEIN TERA MUH KAALA (ESPECIALLY WHEN TOMMY IS AROUND ).KALU(CALLED BLACKY BY HIS AMMERICAN AND BRITISH FRIENDS ) BEING BLACK ENJOYS HUGE ADVANTAGE IN THIS CASE .

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MAKING OF FUTURE MF HUSSAINS

ONE CAN TRACE FUTURE MF HUSSAINS IN TRAIN'S TOLIETS .

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SHERU: While camping out if I wake up in the middle of the night and find millions of stars gazing down at me, what will it mean?

KALU: Someone has torn your tent.

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TOMMY'S WISDOM: MODERNITY DEMANDS ISI MARKED CATS .

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SHIREEN'S VIEW

IN THE NAME OF SHARIAT PEOPLE JUSTIFY RAPE,FORCED MARRIAGES ,UNLAWFUL MARRIAGES.....SAYS SHIREEN EBADI ...IRAN'S NOBEL PEACE PRIZE WINNER

TOMMY'S REMARK:Well Said Shireen ....Khuda Khair Karein !!!!!

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Q.KHUDA JAB GANJEIN KO NAKHOON DEAT HAI TO KYA HOTA HAI ?
PRIYANKA :WOHI HOTA HAI JO MANJOREIN KHUDA HOTA HAI !!

Question: Who is a politician?

Priyanka: A person who shakes your hand before the election and your confidence after.

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Vivek: Why are you afraid of the tiger? It is in the cinema.

Deepak: That I know. But who knows what the tiger knows?

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ANIMAL LOVERS NEED TO TAKE NOTE OF DIGNITY OF ANIMALS

1.In India why are humans so fond of 'Kuttein Ki Maut' that it so easily flows out of Villain'as mouth in our movies ?

2. Look at our teachers . They never teach their pupils but are prompt enough to reducing the diffeerence betwen donkeys and students--Abhi Gadha Bana Doonga !

3.Above all, besides corporal punishment why are they interested in turning students into Cocks ? Chal Jaldi Se Murga Ban Ja !!!

It's high time we protect the self-respect of these animals .

(JOKES BORROWED FROM TT's KIDS CORNER )

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PRIYANKA IS EDUCATIONIST PAR EXCELLENCE .SADLY HER STUDENTS FAIL TO BEAR TESTIMONY TO THIS FACT .REFLECTING THE BENT OF MIND OF HER STUDENTS VIA SONGS :

1.Apni To Paathshaala Masti Ki Paathshala .
Movie:Rang De Basanti ;Music:AR RAHMAN .

2.Botany Chhodengein Matinee Dekhengein .
Movie :Shiva ;Music:ILAIYARAAJA

3.Jo Sikander Ne Porus Se Ki Thi Ladai, To Ki Thi Ladi Main Kya Karoen
Music :Madan Mohan .

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POLITICIZATION OF CRICKET

ARVIND K.PANDEY

It's good to find Pawar being bothered about falling standards of Indian cricket in the very beginning of India's tour in South Africa ! But he should know that malaise that runs much deeper requires awesome moves to set things in right shape . However, one is take aback by the Brinda Karat's demand to call back Ganguly ,which is more a political stunt rather than voice emanating from the cricketing mind . It's time for her to realize that politicization of cricket would only make the matter more worse . The drubbing which she received in Baba Ramdev's case should make it clear to her that being aware of one's limitations serves the purpose better than articulating in a foolish way . Coming back to cricket ,one should not forget that Indian cricket has run short of better alternatives(read players).Even if Board decides to axe the non-performing players one wonders how will it fill the vacant positions . Better we look at the whole issue in a balanced way instead of intercepting the problem in a sweeping way .

GADGETRY :SWAYING YOUTHS IN FOOLISH WAY

ARVIND K.PANDEY

( Published In THE WEEK ,DEC.03,2006)

The invasion of gadgets in the lives of Generation X has turned them into moody and possessive creatures . Worse, it has confined them to the world of virtual realities , making them slaves of plastic values . No doubt these do help them to be in sync with times but not without taking toll on their nerves .Consider the way the Internet has become cause of sleeples nights for many parents or, for that matter, instant connectivity has helped youths to further increase the crime graph . In retrospect , we stll don't have a mindset to use these technological incarnations in a constructive way .These scientific toys may add meaning in the lives of upper echelons of society but for a large section people these are of little importance .

GOLDEN HEART

ARVIND K.PANDEY

The philanhtropic heart of Dr. Devi Shetty has helped him to attain newer heights in the field of medicine . When most of the doctors look no beyond monetary concerns , this 'white angel ' has left no stone unturned to bring poor people within the radius of quality health care . His Narayana Hrudayalaya has carved a niche for itself among heart patients in short span of time. His initiatives aimed at serving the cause of poor should be an eye opener for other doctors whose nursing homne remain generallly shut for lower middle clas .He can surely be called a doctor with a 'golden heart '.

BOMB RACE AND GLOBALIZATION

ARVIND K.PANDEY

(PUBLISHED IN BUSINESS ECONOMICS ,NOV. 30,2006)

The daredevil approach of North Korea has put the global monitors on the backfoot .It's not too taxing for the brain to intercept the reasons ,which made North Korea to have care a damn about the collective will of the major nuclear powers . After all, the big global players are devoid of moral stature to impose their will on the Constitutional head of another country . Had US been conscious of honouring the sovereignity of smaller nations , the minnows, especially the over-ambitious ones , would not have become hyper-sensitive about their security needs .How can one prevent another to be in league of things which are essential to elevate one's stature on the world's map ? In fact , the US's absurd ignorance of Paskistan's secret transfer of the nuclear technology to dangerous minds is one of the important factors , which facilitated North Korea in materialising its nuclear dreams . It's time for the global giants to realize that only unabiguous policies can provide the power to prevent the replication of Kim Jong-ils .

Let me state that there is urgent need to curb the negativities unleashed by the globalisation .The growth-oriented manufacturing domain , IT sector's phenomenal success story and rush of MNCs to make most of the potential available here unambiguously signal that India has placed itself firmly on the road to success . However , let's not forget that a coin has two sides .Just look how Vidharbha has turned into graveyard of wretched farmers.Till now more than 1000 farmers have committed suicide and that too when PM has distributed the so-called doles . You cannot ignore the fact that onslaught of consumerism has taken its toll on the cultural fabric of the nation , giving a huge blow to the ancient beliefs and value based lifestyle . Even the small cities are fast-losing their rustic touch and becoming more like life-less metros -the hub of neurotic people trapped in deathly dull activities. Such a dialoge with globalisation , which comes at cost of nation's cultural attributes would only ensure our downward spiral into doom . Let's not ignore the fact that a huge section of people are stll living below line of poverty ,who have no access to basic facilities at all . The ever-increasing crime graph , escalating prices and insecurities governing sea of unemployed people suggest that all is not well here . Unless there is qualitative change in lives of people belonging to lower strata of life , one would think twice in having a tryst with "feel good " !

HUMANITY'S SCIENCE ?

ARVIND K.PANDEY

( PUBLISHED IN ' TIME ' , NOVEMBER 27,2006 )

Asian countries, especially Japan, are newly enamored with the wonders of science. Scientific innovations have great ability to untangle the painful complexities of human life. But it seems that's not researchers' primary aim. Instead of pursuing humanitarian goals, science has become a tool for maintaining the rapid tempo of business globalization. In countries like India, scientific research has a vast but untapped potential for raising the living standards of the lower classes. Asian scientists, however, see the Indian marketplace as a battleground for big brands, which are offering innovative products at attractive prices. It's unfortunate that Asian governments have no agenda that includes bringing a change in the quality of life to the vast segment of humanity living below the poverty line. There is great need to revive interest in scientific projects that really make a difference in people's lives.

PRAISING SRI SAI BABA

ARVIND K PANDEY

( Published in THE WEEK,DECEMBER 11,2005)

Sri Sai Baba deserves praise for roping in developmental programmes for the marginalised.At least he is better than a high-profile politician , dealing in fake promises, for whom the grievances of commoners hold little meaning .Regarding his miracles ,it would be safe to conclude that they are the means to have a glimpse of the higher power.Having said that, let the seekers don't get trapped in the miracle's net but move ahead to explore the newer realms of limitless spiritual world.

PRAISING EAST

ARVIND K. PANDEY

India's tryst with mysticism and age-od customs and beliefs provide it an unparallel status on the world's map . In fact, Eastern countriers are eqipped with cultural legacies, being by-product of rich civilisations . However , the permissive Western influence is fast-depleting the cultural and spiritual roots of the Asian countries . The waves of sexual orientations and maddening materialistic tendencies , the attributes of Western society, are weakening our institutions . It's time for the Asian countries , especially India and China , to ward off the distractions unleashed by the globalisation by strenghthening bonds with their past .

ENDING DEPENDENCY

ARVIND K.PANDEY

Kalam's statement that it's time to kill "dependency syndrome " makes sense in the wake of energy crisis that has hit the nation . In fact , it not only dictates performance but also destabilises economic and social structure of the nation . Reducing the consuumption of oil besides making room for cheaper alternatives could curb the begging bowl tendency in fuel matters .Even in defence matters we have to face the music when fighter crafts lose their utility owing to emergence of their bettter versions .A country like ours cannot afford to let the taxpayers' money go down the drain by engaging in in purchasse of parts at arbitrary rates .The most traumatic thing is that there is no serious attempt on the part of government to kill the 'dependency syndrome'vis-a-vis quality reserach projects in defence and scientfic arena .

WODEHOUSE :MASTER OF HUMOUR

ARVIND K.PANDEY

His razor-sharp hilarious take on simple happenings of life is the reason that has never allowed him to fade away from our minds .The ability to decipher the complexities of life in a simple way enabled Wodehouse to come out with mesemerizing pieces .It's ironical that this humour-oriented writer met with rough patches too often in his life time .

PRESENT THEM THE EVIDENCES

ARVIND K.PANDEY

India should waste no time in presenting the evidences to both the Pakistan and US . The evidences would not only seal the lips of Musharraf ,who in recent times has categoerically denied the Pakistan's role in Mumbai train -blasts, but also compel the US to shun its hypocritical tactics . After all, it has been shielding the Pakistan in covert manner despite being aware of its shady activities in the Indian domain . Interestingly , Mumbai police has clinching evidences against SIMI members. No need to tell that some of its "distinguished " Indian supporters would be gasping for breath in near future . It's time for them to rise above minorityism .One wonders what would be the fate of "dialogue drama " after these stunning disclosures . How long deft stabs-in -the -back are going to chase our dreams of having better relationship in the future ?It's better day-dreaming gets replaced by the reality bites .

GAPS IN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE ACT

ARVIND K.PANDEY

(Published In THE WEEK, NOVEMBER 26,2006)

One hopes that granting validity to the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act would bring fair amount of stability in the lives of women trapped in hellish conditions . However , one needs to be aware of the fact that given the dominance of perverse mindset in the Indian society ,there is enough scope for false , bogus and fabricated cases .Indeed ,it would be tough nut to crack to honour the Act in letter and spirit . Let's not forget that the SC has taken a tough stand on the misuse of dowry laws .Soli Sorabjee has rightly stated that that indiscriminate and impractical definition of verbal abuse could flood the Court with fake cases . Why did the lawmakers failed to take into acccount complexities haunting the Indian society ?It's time to take considerable insight to prevailing situations with measures ,which save innocent husbands from uundergoing harsh ordeals on flimsy pretexts .

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TOMMY'S OBSERVATION :

IT's time for Tommys,Sherus ,Kalus ,Motis and other like -minded doggies to campaign for The Protection Of Doggy's Act .For safe future it's existence has become an acute necessity .

Priyanka :Ooh,Aah ,Ouch ........

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OUTLOOK:TURNING INTO MOUTHPIECE OF DIVISIVE FORCES

ARVIND K.PANDEY

It appears that both Outlook and the UPA government are working in tandem to create or manufacture a situation of confrontation between the various sects . On the one hand we find Arjun Singh single-handedly trying to disintegrate the secular structure with his sinister appeasment theories and ,on the other hand , some sterling magazines like Outlook ,keeping at bay the atttributes like impartiality and transperency ,are fanning the flames of hatred with their jaundiced takes on sensitive issues . In an irony of sorts our 'gentle' Prime Minister Manmohan Singh dosen't find anything wrong in becoming the medium for execution of partisan agendas .Without sounding cynical, I wish to state that instead of wasting precious paper on exploring unwanted issues in biased manner , your magazine could serve the cause of journalism in a better way by rising above sectarian tendencies .There is little point in acting as the mouthpiece of a goverenment riding the wave of outrageous sensibilites .It's another thing if they are interested in 'Islamization ' of secular fabric of India !!

LOOKING BEYOND THE OBVIOUS

ARVIND K.PANDEY

(PUBLISHED IN THE SUNDAY INDIAN,NOV.26,2006)

It's time to shatter the myths envirioning the Natinal Readership Survey (NRS) and other such market-oriented surveys . Such surveys including the one aimed at exploring the sexual preferences of people are nothing but gimmicks to survive the cut-throat competition .Of late ,the Fourth Estate ,being devoid of missionary zeal ,has turned into vehicle of profit-oriented ventures .It's time we stop treating such findings as gospel truth and ,above all, not allow them to dictate our reading habits . Anyway ,it's indicative of fact that journalism is no longer guided by progressive impulse . Glossing over abuse of ' the power of pen ' , it becomes clear that media persons ,in recent times , care least about objectivity and authenticity of facts . Being stripped of its ' guiding star ' attributes , journalism has now become ,akin to any other profession , a way to eke out livlihood. Yes , it has gone series of transformation to morph into profession from mission . Ironically , the news-item has fallen prey to materialistic tendencies in a mad rush to cater to the populist sentiments of the readers . It's not going to be an easy ride for the media so long it dosen't bring right people in circles , responsible for chalking out policies shaping the editorial and ideologiocal aspects . Let's not forget that readers are always interested in in-depth analysis of the happenings around with an eye on truth . The battle for survival might become easier once media graps this fact that its sole job is to bring truth at the doors of readers in a well-packaged mode . At present , ' random lunatics ' of 'blog boat' are proving threatening enough to capsize magazines and newspapers -the wrecked ships .

STEALING A DAY FROM THE LIFE OF ORDINARY WOMAN

(Written by B.BARAK in THE TELEGRAPH ,NOV.16,06)

On my way to college the other day, a clammy hand determinedly brushed against my body at the Sealdah railway station. Such an experience is not new to girls like me who have to move about regularly. However, what continues to surprise is the way people treat victims of sexual molestation in public. She is often viewed with contempt and sarcasm, and her clothes scrutinized — whether it is the ‘acceptable’ salwar kameez or ‘unbecoming’ pair of jeans that has caused the misbehaviour. The crime of the molester is of little significance here. I had expected that the crowd milling around me in the Sealdah station would help me take the rogue to the nearby railway police booth. But their looks of disapproval directed at me and the frivolous admonition of the offender made a mockery of my efforts. In the end, I was made to feel that I should not have protested at all.

BY B.BARAK FROM DUMDUM

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TOMMY'S SUGGESTION :

What's in a name , be it Sangeeta or Suneeta , when scripts remain the same ! Say something like "Kutta Kahin Ka " or "Dhaijera Ka Nati " and move on .Don't let such incidents take toll on the nerves .
Anyway ,it's time for Priyanka to make a movie titled "KUTTA KAHIN KA ".This will certainly put the tails of the doggies on fire ...

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A COIN HAS TWO SIDES

ARVIND K.PANDEY

Well , the coin has two sides . There are some who feel that freedom of specch provides them the licence to undermine the importance of the Constitutional bodies .Let's not ignore the fact that it's nothing short of foolhardiness to downplay age-old beliefs and customs .Sadly ,wee are living in an age when modern icons are little ashamed in creating controversies to hog the limelight , to survive in cut-throat competition . It's not very difficult to guess why we find likes of Mahesh Bhatt , Khusboo and Raakhi Sawant entangled in choicest controversies so often . Just look at the way Arundhati Roy and Medha Patekar are arguing in the favour of clemency for one who has committed the crime of gravest nature .They forget that tears of Ganga Devi and Jyawati ,the widows of soldiers killed in the Parliament attack , hold greater value than life of Afzal .Going by her writing it appears that the SC has committed a fatal mistake by punishing Afzal -the man who dared to deflower the most sacred symbol of democracy .It's sad and unforunate that democracies across the world have been held hostage by such shallow beings , who dare to be the guardian spirit of blood-suckers and devilish minds .Ironically , call it accident or destiny , they enjoy the tactical support of Western powers ,which provide them the tag of celebrity .So they think that they have the authority to crush the sane voices or , for that matter, make mockery of the respectable insitutions with impunity . No wonder she deserves a harsh punishment for her extra-constitutional confessions along with her tribe including Farooq Abdullah .

CONTROLLING DIAERRIHEA

ARVIND K.PANDEY

It's a savage irony that diarrihea is proving threatening enough for babies , belonging to the lower strata of the society , in a country which boasts of steady economic growth ! What's the point in making tall claims when such a 'sound development' has brought no significant change in the lives of the marginalised ? What's really strage is that even media is more interested in creating awareness about AIDS related campaigns rather than dealing with health concerns of the poor in a comprehensive manner . One suspects even questions of life and death are being governed by "Washington consensus" .Or else , the Indian goverenment would have left no stone unturned in curbing the sinister undercurrents , which are widening the gulf between poor and rich .It's sad and unfortunate that rich and famous enjoy access to sophisticated hospitals whereas rural people are succumbing to curable diseases in want of qualitative health centres .Why can't the Asian countries use the exchequers' money on worthwhile causes instead of wasting it on executing the pompous propagandas of the corrupt minds ?

THE FALSE CELEBRITIES :LOVER OF VULTURE CULTURE

ARVIND K. PANDEY
The media's love and hate relationship with the world of glamour exposes an ugly truth that battle for survival has downplayed the importance of sensitive potrayals . The real people in these age seem to languish somwhere in some secluded corner .The way RK Laxman and C.N.Rao were marginalised in the function to confer an honorary doctrate on Amitabh Bachchan speaks volume about sensibilites of people of the present era . Let's not forget that these so-called celebrities of modern times have their genesis in Page 3 culture nurtured by the bigwigs of media. Had they not provided them lifeline ,they would not have gained larger-than life importance in mainstream scheme of things .It's unfortunate that precious paper is being wasted on glorifying insignificant acts of shallow beings .

PM :NEED TO OVERCOME OBSTACLES

ARVIND K.PANDEY

By now Manmohan Singh would have become aware of the fact it's never too easy to run a coailition government . Eventually , it brings common people at the crossroads ,whose hard-earned money gets wasted on the whims and fancies of the corrupt ministers having a chequered past . It's very difficult to take note of the achievements since they are marred by black marks . It's shame that omissions and commissions in Jharkhand and Goa ,which downgraded the Constitutional provisions failed to stir the conscience of our PM . It's very strange that PM has no specific agenda other than carying out the wishes of his coailition partners .Or else, the government would not have dared to cross swords with the Apex court. Probably , this is why tussle between judiciary and legislature has reached to its peak . This government seems to to thrive on political blackmails , scandals and controversies of tragic nature .

SONGS DEVOID OF MEANING

ARVIND K.PANDEY

(Published In DASH, NOVEMBER,2006)

Gulzar rightly states that introduction of gymnastics -oriented dance sequences in the movies reduced their proximity with meaningful songs . However , let's not forget that role of movies in our times has transformed drastically , turning into sheer entertainment instead of becoming the medium to bring socio-economic and socio -political changes in the society . How can you expect the movies to retain their hold over quality of songs when ceap crooks have turned into producers and directors with sole object to rake in huge moolah ? The involvement of these strange bedfellows in movie-making process is bound to give rise to songs like Main lailaa-2 chillaonga kurta phad ke, Meri pant bhi sexy ,Aaja meri gaadi mein baith jaa , to name a few . Add to it , the misuse of sexuality quotient and flawed understanding of bond between the opposite sexes have led to origin of songs devoid of eternal touch . Probably , the lyricists of present-time haven't had brush with dark episodes of life , unlike those of 60s like Shailendra and Sahir , which leads to expansion of self .True, the present age wild mannerisms do not augur well for the talemted souls wishing to carve a niche for themselves in the creative landscape . It's an open secret that name and fame are the fist things in the minds of upcoming artists .Sadly , they aren't aware of the fact that "Maya " and "Ram " can never be complementary to each other .Bhimsen Joshi once stated that his father made him grasp the fact that devotion to the master (Guru bhakti) without vanity and selfishness coupled with ability to pursue his goal with self-efforts(Sadhana) inder his master's guidance and direction are the only means to reach the pinnacle . Ironically , such a devotion has become a rarest of rare sight in the world , which has become the playground of fake artists who cannot see beyond financial considerations .

SOLDIERSON'T WORRY ,BE HAPPY

ARVIND K. PANDEY

(Published In INDIA TODAY ,NOV.20,06)

It's really unfortunate that sodiers are either kiling themselves or their colleagues ,being unable to ward off bouts of depression .In most of the cases it's quite clear that the senior officers are abettors ,who don't provide their subordinates enough scope to interact with their families at leisure . More often than not it's the sense of humiliation ,which provokes them to retaliate in aggresive manner .The best way to prevent the occurrence of such tragic episodes would be to have counselling centres providing them psychological assistence in hours of crisis .Above all, there has to be a work culture which reins in abusive treatment meted out to them at hands of their seniors . Lastly , they should be allowed to have moments of togetherness with their near and dear ones at regular intervals to boost their well-beings .

DISSECTING SINO-INDIAN TIES

ARVIND K. PANDEY

True ,we cannot avoid China altogether in the wake of larger scheme of political necessities . However , it'sa catch-22 situation for India ,which cannot ignore China's dubious activities in Tibet and its tactical support to divisive forces in our border areas . One wonders why strengthening of economic relationship does not lead to dilution of political conflicts . How can aura of trust encircle this new-found love for each other ,more so when contentious issues remain unsolved till date ? Does economic need has the power to make love and hate run parallel to each other ? Well, it's time for our new Foreign minister to pressurize his Chinese counterpart to have an unambiguos approach in sensitive matters .For the time being ,the Indian goverenment should leave no stone unturned in increasing Japanese participation
in future economic projects .Better we borrow their approach and mannerism as well.Lastly ,in lighter vain ,let me present a number from Hindi movie Leader ,which better highlights the mindset of Chinese :" Humein Se Mohabbat Hamein Se Ladai Aji Maar Dala Duhai-2" .

VIP SYNDROME

ARVIND K.PANDEY

(Published In THE TELEGRAPH ,09 NOVEMBER,2006)

It is tragic that innocent people keep losing their lives because of the VIP syndrome .The lives of devotees could have been saved from becoming victim of a royal mess . What is it that prevents the VIPs from sharing the road with commoners? Taxpayers’ money goes to waste in making security arrangements for VIPs that serve no purpose other than helping them to show off and bully the people. Why can our politicians and bureaucrats not learn a few lessons from their Western counterparts who freely mix with the crowd and do not make a show of their status? It is time Indian VIPs shed their egos and learned to identify with their more plebeian brethren.